Thursday, December 20, 2007

Humbled

Okay...I am feeling like my posts are becomming awfully depressing and full of cancer yuck-like this blog is a cancer blog and not a family blog. So forgive me for giving you one more detail of our fun filled day at the hospital. (I hope the sarcasm read through there.) I think that after today our life will become much more normal (or at least normal for us.) And the most you will have to hear is about his weekly treatments.

Travis got his portacath put in today. They said it would be like 2 hours there, and instead it turned into four...but it went well and he is feeling pretty good tonight, just a little sore. As soon as the port was put in he went strait over for his second treatment. I can already tell that it was a good decision to have the port installed. It will make his life a lot easier! :)


I have been on a very emotional rollar coaster ride this last week. I think I have felt every single emotion known to man-all in the same day. I feel almost numb during the days-and do my best not to think about what lies ahead for us. I find myself feeling angry often, not at anyone, just angry that our family has to go through this. I have let myself become a little bitter... and that really isn't who I want to be. It just is very easy to become this way. But every time I start feeling this way something happens that makes me feel totally embarressed for feeling this way. I get humbled very easily.


Today when Travis went to get his treatment there was a girl there just leaving. She was my age and just finished her last round of Chemo today. She has a daughter who is 20 months old and I imagine that for a good portion of her daughters life she has been sick with her treatments, and still will have to wonder if her cancer will come back.


Last week when he was there he sat by a boy who was probablly 18 years old. He has a huge tumor in his arm and was undergoing his fourth round of Chemo. He looked terrible and very sick, and he still has a battle to fight.


And one of my friends from highshools baby has luekemia. He has spent too much of his life in the hospital and feeling sick. I cannot imagine watching my child go through this. I pray that he soon will get a normal childhood.


Like I said, I am humbled. I NEED to realize that we aren't the only people in the world going through this. I know that it is worse for many, many people. Granted, our situation is not ideal, but it could be so much worse.


Now I am not going to pretend that I am going to stop feeling sad for myself. I know that I am far from perfect and will sulk often. I will probablly get grumpy way too much, cry too much, and eat too much also...but I am going to try and remember that it could be worse, and for many others it is worse.


So tonight I am feeling thankful that we have a fight to fight, rather than one we have already lost. I am feeling excited for our life to get back to normal. I am very excited for Christmas and the magic it brings, and I am excited to get back to posting fun pictures of my girls and showing you are truly silly they are. I just want life to get back to normal! ;)

Thankyou ladies at the Kutting Edge for these beauties. I miss you guys!

8 comments:

The Wolfley Family said...

It really is humbling to find out how many people are going through/have gone through times like these. I tend to get tunnel-vision and feel like we're going through something worse than anyone else has ever gone through (I know, you're shocked that I get so self-cenered!)and then you hear stories like those. You still get to be sad-- just not lonely!

Kylene said...

What a beautiful post. Thanks for humbling all of us.

Hanne and Fam said...

I think it is great that you are looking for the positives of the situation but you shouldn't feel bad for getting upset sometime either. I don't think I could handle the same situation as well as you are.

Morrell's said...

I wish that you would quit making me cry! I just am so impressed by your spirit throughout all of this! You deserve to be mad at times! You have helped me feel the spirit in this season! Thank You for being the person that you are! I hope that Your Christmas is WONDERFUl! I'm sure it will be cause you throw one heck of a party and I'm sure your family does the same! Merry Christmas, you are loved!

Cody & Ashley Godfrey said...

Man alive...I feel like I haven't talked to you forever, and it was just this morning. I hope you had a fun day shopping!
I'm with everyone else, you've been amazing through this. You have humbled us all!!

Dustin & Ashley said...

We all were thinking about you at KE, im so sorry all this is happening! If we can do anything for you guys let me know. There is only 5 of us left from the other salon cause syndee just quit- friday will be her last day. but the 5 of us will keep you up to date! Have a merry christmas hun!

Katie said...

You are so brave Hayley. I'm so glad you post how life really is for you! You remind me of the important things and have taught me a great deal of faith and being humble in the past few posts. Thank you for your example! Sending much love and prayers and a wish for a very merry Christmas!

Amy Johnson said...

I love you and you are amazing! You can be pissed if you want...I am! But of course you are a great example, and if you are brave I will be too!!