{2015}

New Years Eve, for me, has probably been the worst Holiday since Travis passed away.

Last year I remember just feeling so incredibly lost when the clock struck midnight.

I was ending a year full of grief and ache, but it was a year that had Travis in it....

And I was entering a new year-one that Travis wouldn't really be a part of.

Looking back,

I did as good as I could have.

I made loads of mistakes.

But I have learned a lot in the past year,

and I think the girls and I have thrived the best we could.

That being said,

I was really dreading NYE.

Christmas is full of family activies.

I never felt like the awkward third wheel...

But NYE is a Holiday for couples and I kinda wanted to tuck myself in at 9 and forget about it!

But-

I knew my girls would want it to be fun, and so I tried really hard to make it so.

And you know what?

We had a GREAT NYE.

It was a fabulous night!

The house was full of people.

The cousins and friends ran around playing games all night.

We blew up balloons with activites inside that the kids could pop each hour,

and they LOVED it and it kept them so entertained that the adults played games and ate 

ourselves sick the entire night.

We made it till midnight and not once did I feel lonely or like a 5th wheel.

I felt completely content and excited about starting a new year fresh.

Last year instead of setting goals I would for sure break...

I followed a lot of my friends examples by choosing one word to help me be better throughout the year.

Last years was EMBRACE.

I wanted to embrace the good as much as I could.  Embrace the bad when I needed to.

Embrace my new life.  Embrace my kids.  Embrace it all.

It was a great word for last year.  One I reminded myself of often.

I've had a hard time choosing this years word, and it's because so many speak to me.  I have much work to do and so many of them are appropriate-but the word 

LISTEN 

is the one I keep coming back to.

This year, I am going to try harder to really LISTEN.

Listen to my kids sweet voices and hear what they really need.

Listen to what they are really saying, when they aren't quite being themselves.

Listen to my body and give it what it needs.

Listen to my heart and hope it takes me in the right places.

Listen to my friends when they uplift me.

Listen to my family who always wants whats best for me.

Listen to the Spirit.

Listen for answers to prayers.

Just Listen.

I am excited to focus on this.

I know it's what I need.

I hope 2015 is a great year for all my dear friends and family members!

(The ladies and I on NYE)

Glow in the dark Slumber party for Adyson...

around 1 am!

Darling friends and cousins at Midnight.

Darling Ladies in their Christmas Best.

Welcoming a New Year

(New Years Eve)

 New Years this year was very bitter sweet for me.

Letting go of the last year that Travis shared with us.

Welcoming a year without him.

It was strange, and really hard.

I was so grateful to a few of my widow friends who looked at it completely different.,

They were saying goodbye to a horribly hard year,

and welcoming one with a lot of hope, a lot of healing, and hopefully joy.

So, because of their example, 

I'm shooting for that also.

I'm really going to try to embrace everything that comes along this year.

We started out with skiing lessons for the girls.

I grew up skiing and have so many beautiful memories of being with

my friends and family up the Mountain.

When Travis got really sick,

we couldn't afford to go and take the girls,

and there was no possible way for me to live him all day on a Saturday...

Travis hated that. 

He hated that I wasn't able to share something I used to love so much with the girls.

 I think he'd be beyond happy to see them learning something

new, and something so good for all of us.

It's beautiful up there!

We also welcomed the snow with good intentions of making a snowman....
It wasn't the best packing snow so it ended up quite small..
but adorable nonetheless.

The girls are pretty amazing little things.

They are doing their best to be happy.

They are going to school, playing with friends, doing their lessons,

and trying to thrive in everything they do.

We have really tough moments.

Sometimes I just ache that they have to try to understand some 

really, incredible sad things...

but we are trying to work through it all together.

They know it's ok to laugh, to cry, and to be a little mad sometimes.

My hope for them is that they also know-that at the end of the day,

they better be smiling and not angry.

I'm really proud of them for the example they set for me.

I'm so lucky to be their mom!

I was able to spend my first day of skiing in years saturday with 

my Dad.

It happened to fall on the 3 month mark since Trav's passing.

Being up in the mountains,

seeing people having so much fun,

seeing the beauty of the Earth God created did make me feel full of hope.

So 2014...

Be kind to the Kidmans!

We are ready for you.