Sunday, June 21, 2015

{Fathers Day}

Father's Day.
Year 2.

You'd think that the first year of widowdom (is that a word?)
would be the hardest,
but it's really not.

I assumed that maybe I was alone in feeling this,
but have learned, just this week,
that year 2 seems to be the absolute roughest on most widows.

I'm almost through it-
and I'm really praying year 3 is breezy.
(That's a joke...in case you didn't read my sarcasm.)

Year one was hazy.
But year 2 has been clear.
It's clear that I get to play both parents.
It's clear that I pay the bills and play both good cop and bad one.
It's clear that if the yard needs weeding, I get to do it! Yay me.
And it's clear that our life is still full of lots of adjustments.
It's also clear that I reap the rewards of late night snuggles with the girls and
they double the love up on me...
I have to remind myself often,
when it's clear that IT' S ALL ME,
that Trav would have loved to have been here for all of it,
the bad too,
so I better be grateful for it.

But oy.
It's a lot.

It's been pretty obvious that I'm a misfit for the past few years,
but even more so in year 2.
Year 2 means that everyone has moved on.
Old friends have found new friends,
and they've added to their families, and built houses, and life has just kept going for them,
and when things add up-
they seem to be winning and I seem to be losing.

I am trying my best every day to not add those numbers up and to be grateful for what I have.

And I do have a lot to love-
those girls.
They make me want to pull my hair out daily,
but they also just make me so dang happy.
They are full of love and laughter and all things good and I just freaking adore them.
They bring me joy on such a beautiful level 
and I cherish playing both Mom and Dad for them.
I truly do.

Fathers Day remind me of how much I miss him.
And how much I wish my sweet girls didn't have to miss him.

Travis was the Dad who got up in the middle of the night to feed the kids because he missed them while he was at work.
He was the Dad who would turn off golf for Disney to make the girls smile.
He was the Dad who would get treatments during the day and come home exhausted,
and still go for bike rides with the girls.
He made his time count and I have no doubt he's watching over them, (and me), always.
I miss his laugh and his warmth daily.

I'm reminded how incredibly lucky we were to have him here for as long as we did.
He set such a standard for my girls-for their futures.
And I wont forget his goodness and who he is for whatever happens in my future.

Fathers day also reminds me how blessed I am for the men who have
stepped in and been father figures
for my little ladies when they need more than I can give.
For the neighbors who invite them to canoe and shoot hoops,
to the coaches who Sienna, and the Uncles who watch Adyson sing.
To the Grandpas who are here for 1 am blessings and hugs, every chance they get.

So ya, it's a tough day.
Also a day to be thankful and to remember.

(I feel like that sums up most days around here!)

(I also should say that while year two has been rough, we are still doing as good as possible around here...and we laugh and smile and party pretty hard, so it could be much worse!)

Happy fathers day to those of you who step in for my family.
It means an awful lot!
I'm gonna snuggle my girls pretty hard today.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Mothers Day, Memorial Day, End of school, soccer, dance, play and singing and the beginning of summer!

Mother's Day.
Mother's Day has been tough the past few years.
It's silly, I know, because I'm still here-but I feel the void of a partner pretty brutally on Mother's Day.
But my sweet girls always make sure I feel incredibly loved.
This card from Sienna...I won't ever forget it.
She's a gem.
We had been sick, or I'd been in England and the girls weren't able to wear their Easter Dresses
till Mother's Day!  Geez!  I think they are beauties...looking too grown up, but beauties for sure.
I adore these girls so much.
And adore being their mom.
I cherish it, and them more than I'll ever be able to say.
Also love celebrating with my Mom (and Amy).
My mom is always an example of selflessness and love.
I adore her.
We were very excited to hear that Triston decided to get Baptized.
We are so proud of him,
and I imagine Travis is beyond happy with his choice.
Adyson spent a lot of time at the Whittear preparing for a play,
and Roo loved spending time on the playground.
I loved that she acted like a little girl every time we went...
This past year the dance/soccer stress has been a bit overwhelming...
she's been on the GO every single day.
But, the recital proved that it was worth it.
It was so much fun to watcher her do her thing.
She was in 4 dances this year, including the ballet (which was gorgeous), and I loved every second.
This costume was my favorite.
She's beautiful!
One of Sienna's best friends, Ava surprised her and came to watch.
Sienna was beaming with joy!
She has such wonderful friends!
Her fan club for the night.
And I love this pic.
And them.
Like, so much.
Adyson was so excited for the history fair this year,
and even more excited to be WALT DISNEY.
They had to write a paper, memorize a script, make a poster and dress up.
She did an excellent job!
And I love her friend Avery's costume.
So good!
And we had our last soccer game of the season...
I say that knowing that my summer is full of more soccer,
but I was ready for the small break we got.
We have loved Sienna's darling team and it's been a great season of growth for them!
Adyson was in a play (Frozen) with her friend Olivia.
It was fun for her,
and really confusing for the rest of us!
But watching her grin up there always makes me happy and proud of her.
She is such a bright little angel.
I love her so dearly.

Playing games with our "parents".
We had to give our real parents a hard time when we hung with Kyle and Tami for the entire weekend.
We love them just like family, for sure!
Memorial Day.
Another interesting day.
I wish I knew how to handle these days and make them easy for the girls,
while remembering Travis, and living our lives.
It's such a balancing act.
Sienna hasn't wanted to watch the video made of Travis when he passed since his funeral.
She decided she wanted to on Memorial Day.
It was just awfully, awfully hard.
These girls have so much love for him and miss him so much.
We all miss him.
I am proud of them for always working hard to be happy and for trusting me to raise them the best way I can.
It's strange, but we are doing our best.
We also spent the day planting our flower pots.
I think it'll be a good new tradition for us.
Roo mowed the lawn for the first time.
Such a good helper!
A friend took this pic of Adyson and I almost want to chuck it,
she's so pretty.
I love watching her grow and wish I could stop it all at once!
The rain was non stop last month.
It was hard to plan anything!
We finally had our last rescheduled soccer game, 
and then it decided to POUR during tryouts.
She loved it.
And looked pretty cute, if I do say so myself.
My friend Erin and I were in charge of 3rd grade field day,
and spent that morning in the rain also.
But it was totally fun!
Adyson decided to have a "few" friends over for a late night the night before school ended. 
(Sienna had a late night with her awesome teacher, so I obliged).
I didn't realize it would be a full fledged party.
(This kid is so social and loves so many cute friends....afterwards she told me she wished she would've invited a few more...that girl!)
These are her friends who are her age and will all be going to middle school next year.
I can't.
I hate it.
But I love them.
I told them it was time to go home and they complained when we got in the car that they weren't ready...so we pulled into a parking lot and they danced for a good half hour.
It reminds me so much of my cute middle/high school friends!
Such darlings!

And then the last day of school came.
Oh Roo, moving on the 4th grade!
She's my baby and this feels hard.
She had the best teacher for her this year,
and she made some great friends.
I love her so much.
And this girl.
Oh Adyson.
Done with grade school!
She has really learned so much about true friendship, and they type of friend she wants to be this past year.  She loves so many people and has such a big heart.  I want, so much, for her to pick good friends, and make good choices.  I love her so much!  I wish she could stay a grade schooler!
Adored her teacher this year!
Just a few of her cute school friends.  I love them too!
And Roo and one of her bff's playing in the sun!
Adyson went canoeing a few days in and came home with nachos and a shake from the gas station.
These are foods I just don't allow in my house!
She was in heaven!  It cracked me up!
Maybe someday she'll convert me?
We captioned this: Sunday Bunday.
And believe it or not, my dad asked for this pic to be taken.
He's proud of his loser status.
We were out of town for Adyson's singing recital, so I forced her to do a cheesy one from home.
She laughed and danced through it and I loved every second.  It's so great for her to show of her silly side!  Love this girl and her sweet voice.
This is a summer morning at my house.
Heaven!
Last weekend we went to my sister's for my niece, Brielle's Baptism.
It was such a great time!
These 2 never separate. They are so funny.
And these two are best buds also.
Such sweeties!




The only downfall to the weekend was that their air conditioner broke...
so the girls did a rain dance hoping it would cool things down:).
This summer the girls have spent multiple days just playing together.
It doesn't happen a lot when school is in session.
Friends are always over or we are gone doing all our extras.
This has been so wonderful to see!
Last night I was able to go to dinner with a few of my fellow widow friends, who I just love.
It's always so great to chat with them and to see how many things we need to vent about that not many will get!
Love them.
Today I took the girls to the zoo.
It was loads of fun!  The animals put on a good show for us.
And the girls loved it.  I'm glad we went, even in this heat!

We ended the day with some fun shopping!
I really love spending time with them.
Can't wait for some fun summer adventures ahead!

Friday, May 8, 2015

{Oh May Hell}

It has been so lovely to be back with my darling little ladies.
Lovely....and busy.
I mean, May.  Why you gotta be so. freaking. busy?
Adyson has had two big reports due,
she's in a play she's been practicing for,
and she has a singing performance.
We seriously have something every single night of the week, and sometimes they overlap.
And the best part?
It just keeps getting added to.
And then we keep getting to bed later-and later.

And I get lazier.
The other day I just didn't set my alarm to wake them up.
Worlds Best Mom?
Ya, no.
And Roo....
well, here she is getting picked up from dance in her soccer gear.
Because she has to race from dance to soccer at least one day a week...sometimes two.
She is packed with playoff games and practice,  and also has a dance competition coming fast that involves a lot of time.
Throw in dance pictures and her special week at school and I start to eat cookies for breakfast and my hair gets more neglected than normal.
I. Just. Am. So. Done!

(Me?  Oh I drive them around a lot.  And about once a week I find time to cook dinner and the other day I made it to bed by 1:00, so I guess I'm really killing it over here).
We have really loved making some darling new friends on her soccer team.
They have become great buddies!

Adyson invites a different friend to every soccer game...
they troll around looking for boys.
Because she is 11 and I guess that's what 11 year olds do?
(I hate that she's 11, btw).

On May 2nd, Travis would've turned 40.
These days are so strange, and it always surprises me how much these big days make us aware of all that we've lost.
We missed him and thought of him all day long.
We took some orange balloons and made sure to send a few up to heaven.
Happy Birthday T, We love you!



That night we went for a bike ride as the sunset, and I wish this picture captured it better,
it was ORANGE and lovely.  A great way to think of T on his Birthday.
Pretty sure he sent us that gift.:)
Sienna's team had their last regular season game last week playing an undefeated team.
They were pretty nervous, so it was pretty fabulous when they pulled out a win.
Love these cute girls working hard!
Sienna was pretty happy with the W.

My mom also had her Birthday last week.
Sinco de Linda.
We love a day to celebrate her.
She is always helpful and giving and kind and full of love for her kids and for her grand kids.
We adore her.
I am getting back into the swing of things and think back to how much I can't wait to go back to England someday....it shouldn't be possible to be homesick for somewhere you have only visited, but I am.  So there.

xoxo