Thursday, December 4, 2008

Thank you.

Where do I begin? Bear with me, I have a point. I'll get there eventually.

Next Thursday marks 1 year since Trav's cancer has returned. For the last week it's all I've been able to think about. I've been trying to think of ways to celebrate one more year of life for Travis. And I think he should be awfully proud of himself. He drags himself into the Cancer center week after week, and his body is tired. I wish I could express how thankful I am to him for doing it with such an amazing spirit.

I love him.

Today travis has a treatment, and then afterward set up his scan for Monday. And I've been a bag of tears all day long. I'm terrified. Last year at this time, the news was not good. I really need it to be good!! I've been running on empty for the last few days, and have felt blue and nervous all at the same time. You'd think that we would be use to this, but I'm not.

I had a big church party tonight for my calling in the ward. It's taken a lot of work, and I've stayed up hours to late each night trying to get myself organized. I don't think I've ever felt so worn out, physically and emotionally. I got home around 9:00, put my jammies on, and sat around in my messy house not wanting to move. Feeling a bit empty inside.

And then a dear friend came over to drop off a very generous gift for us, and I wish there was some way to say thank you. Cancer makes every aspect of life hard. We wonder daily how long his treatments will last. We pray nightly that "daddy will get better". We hope. We cry a lot, still, even after a year. We get angry. We pay medical bills. Travis feels tired. I worry. And through all the bad stuff, we are always looking for the good stuff. And it seems that most of the time we can find it in bulk. Most of the time we are thankful for the little things we have. We realize how lucky we are that we have a beautiful home, and two overly happy little girls. But today was one of those days for me, when all I could see was the bad. This gift touched my heart more than I will ever be able to say. It made me remember how blessed we are, how loved we are, and how many people are there to support us. Once again, our home was full of Christmas spirit tonight, and my heart was softened. I still can't hold in the tears.

Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you! You will never know how much you have helped, and could not have picked a better day to remind me how loved we are. I don't feel that this is Thank you enough, but I hope you all know how much it meant to us. There should be more people like you in this world.

Thank you.

21 comments:

Kristen said...

Oh, Hayley!
Sweetie...I don't know what to say. I can't even image the road you and your family have walked this past year. It's been said before, but I want you to know that I admire your strength and courage. (((hugs))) to you and your family!
Lotsa Love,
Kristen

Emily T. said...

Hey Hayley-
We're on the same wave length or something...This time of year gets emotional. For lots of good reasons, but for a few scary and hard reasons too. Thank you for your example. Thom and I think and talk of you guys often. We're praying for good news and for all the blessings your family deserves. I know you're carrying a heavy load day after day, and I'm hoping you will find comfort and relief. Hang in there! You guys are loved by lots of people.

Bre said...

Hayley, I think that you have such an amazing family. And you all have amazing spirits! Your courage and Strength makes me speechless. I am truly thankful that you are my friend!! Please know you guys are always in our thoughts and prayers! LOVES!

Shelly and her boys said...

Thanks heaven for good friends who listen to the promptings of the spirit.
Your simply amazing! Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Well cross our fingers!

The McClellan Clan said...

Hayley, I don't even know what to say!! But know that all of us (everyone that knows you) thinks of you daily. You have such a special family and you all have so much love!!! I LOVE YOUR LITTLE FAMILY!!! And I wish you the best!! You are the sweetest person and I'm so glad that our lives crossed paths so that I could meet you!! Hang in there girl!!

Melissa said...

It's amazing how much Heavenly FAther knows the feelings in your heart, and sends special people at the right time to the right place to help someone in need! I'm always humbled at how many good friends and family are out there to take care of us. I'm thinking of you and your family and will keep your family in our prayers. If you ever need anything, I am seriously just down the road.

Ballard Family said...

Hayley,
I don't know how you do it? I always wonder if I were in your situation if it would bring out the best in me as it does you. I'm sure your not perfect and you probably have your really negative days but to me you just seem so perfect! I pray for your family, I hope you have a very Happy Holiday season. And for your sweet friend, good thing there are people out there doing stuff like that and reminding all the rest of us what we need to be doing to :)

Eileen said...

Hayley. I just wish I could pull you up on my lap and hug you. (without it being weird of course!) I have no words. And that doesn't happen very often. I'm thankful for prayer, faith, angels that walk the earth and for YOU!
Much love and hugs.
Love,
Me

Jeff, Jenny and Pearl said...

Haley I know I don't know you well or your family, but let me tell you thank you! I love reading your blog and hearing how you are handling something I can't even begin to imagine going through. You are such a wonderful example of hope and I pray all goes well!

Kristin said...

WOW! What a sweet person you are. The way you write your posts is just perfect. You are an ispiration to me and many others. Good luck on monday with the scan and I'm SOOO looking forward to seeing you (and everyone else) next week!

Jan said...

I always want to say something that might be helpful during times like this. Can I just dito what everyone else has said? You and your family are amazing and such an example for good. Pls hang in there.

Jared Heather and Taegen Pete Johnstun said...

I love you and miss you and am keeping you all in my prayers!

Kandi said...

Hayley -

You and your family are simply amazing!! Our family will keep you and your family in our prayers. Much love!!

syndee said...

hayley,

Some days I wonder how people make it through the day. You are honestly amazing. You have such a wonderful spirit about you. My heart aches for you. I know you have so much on your plate if you need something let me know please.
I hope you the best on Monday! Love ya!!

Anonymous said...

You and your family are great examples to all around you. The strength that you show and the smiles that you share. You and your mom are so much like me and my daughters. Keep smiling and we will keep praying for you and your family. Our thoughts will be with you this coming week! Debbie

Justin & Ashlee said...

What would we do without all the great family and friends who surround us? We will be thinking of you this coming week and keeping you in our prayers.

The Drysdale's said...

Hayley I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and your family this weekend and you are in my prayers and I am planning on fasting tomorrow for positive test results. I know this is probably such an emotional time for you, but just from reading through your blog I am just amazed at your strength I really look up to you for that. Keep hanging in there.

Tiffany said...

Hayley I feel your pain. I don't know if this means much but I have a good feeling about the scan that is coming. Everything will be good. If you ever need to call anytime day or night. Please call. Travis will be okay we are all praying for him and fasting for him tomorrow. Give loves to everyone for me okay. :)

Guymon Family said...

I can't think of anyone more deserving of such kindness than your family. I wish I were so intuitive, or just in tune with the lives of friends and neighbors. I can't imagine how overwhelming your trials must be sometimes, just thinking about it makes me cry for you. I hope you never feel alone in all this, I completely agree with Eileen that angels walk the earth with us! And there are a whole lot of people out there who love you and your family too! Take care of yourself and stay in your jammies as long as your need to. We'll be praying for a great scan!

Amy Johnson said...

I love you and am always thinking about you! We will of course be fasting and praying for you!!!

sherisse said...

You are AMAZING girl, your strength lifts everyone, just remember you are very loved. My prayers are with you.