Feeling sentimental....I apologize in advance.

Around Christmas I came across this post and have probably thought about it at least once a day since.

Would you trade Cancer for a normal life, or your old life?

I've thought about blogging about this because I think about it so often, but just felt that this was too candid, but since this is my journal, and I'm feeling awfully sentimental tonight, bear with me!

I have asked myself this question once a day at least. I know, I know, I'm not the one who has cancer, but our lives have changed drastically together since that crappy day.

I have watched my husband feel pretty awful at times. There have been many days where he can't talk to me or roughhouse with the girls because his throat hurts so much. We have had to have discussions that I feel we shouldn't have to speak of till we are ninety at least :). We have medical bills and we joke that we are paying for that new wing at the hospital. We have have had to change quite of few life plans, but I think everyone has to do that at some point, silly us for thinking that we can plan our lives anyways! I now realize it doesn't work that way. We have had to realize that our family is complete, and that has been hard to swallow.

But...

To all the bad, there is so much good too.

We have been taken care of in so many ways. We have been taken in by so many people. We have been the recipients of many charitable acts. We have felt the heartfelt prayers of so many people. Travis and I have learned to take care of each other in a totally different way than we have ever had to before making our marriage very strong. We've found faith in the Lord, and have been more thankful for all the good things we have in our lives. We have never been so thankful for the power of the Priesthood. I think that we are learning to look forward to each day we have, and hopefully we are trying to make the best of them. Not a day has gone by where I haven't learned how kind people are and I am constantly amazed by them, and wondering what I can do to be more like them. I know I have a lot of you to thank for all of the above...so thank you again.

I wish I could be like Amber and say that I wouldn't give up this cancer for our old life. I would give up this if I could. I'll admit it. For us it is just a lifelong disease, and I would love to not have to think about it for even a day, but would I ever want to trade what we have learned? NO.

I wish I could have it both ways! My goal through all of this is really to find the good in our situation, because there is so much good. I think we are both trying to make the best of this, though I'm finding Travis is much better at this than I am...I'm working on it okay! We are realizing that so many people have it worse than we do, and we are trying to remember that.

Travis had a treatment on Thursday and is feeling okay. I can tell that they are starting to wear on him and he is feeling pretty tired, but still not near as bad as he was with his first round. THANK GOODNESS! He has one more and then he gets a week off! Yeah! That week of has seemed to make a big difference physically and emotionally. He handles this with so much courage and I am always impressed with how rarely he gets down. He has only had to miss a few days of work, and I feel so blessed that he still wants to take such great care of our family. I often wonder about how different it would be if our roles were reversed, I'm pretty sure I would just be a sick lump on the couch! Travis, thank you for being who you are. I am always amazed by your attitude, and have grown to love you more and more through all of this! Your girls are lucky to have a hero in you, and really it's no wonder that they are both Daddy's girls. :)