{Adyson's Blanket: Another Lovely memory of T}

 

I will never forget a few things in my life.

This is really saying something because, as I've mentioned before,

my memory is pretty terrible and I have forgotten most of my childhood,

high school, and even good chunks of my marriage.

 (This breaks my heart...I try not to dwell on it.)

But I will never, ever, ever forget deciding to start having babies.

One day, children weren't even close to being on my mind,

and then I woke up the next morning and I just felt like it was time.

Looking back on this,

I see God's hand in my life more then ever.

We would never have been able to have both of our kids if we

didn't start when we did.

It is another beautiful miracle in our life.

I woke up-looked at Trav and said,

"I think we should try to have a baby."

He looked at me like I was crazy...

and then agreed.

9 months later,

really,

9 months later,

Adyson joined us and made me a mother,

and made T a daddy.

He was many things.

 A provider,

a husband,

a computer nerd,

an avid board game winner,

a golfer,

but his absolute favorite title-was,

and I'm sure still is,

Daddy.

So yes,

having a baby was my idea.

But I'm not gonna lie,

I wasn't prepared for it one bit.

And I'm telling you this,

I wasn't good at it,

or comfortable with it.

I loved her right away,

I mean, I was smitten and would have done anything for her,

but the "mommy stuff", well...

Trav was better at it.

He could expertly change a diaper,

and while I was so scared to bathe her for fear she'd

slip right through my hands,

he would revel in it.

He would wake up to feed her in the middle of the night,

and honestly,

many-many times I'd offer,

and he would say "No, I got it.  I miss her when I'm at work."

He'd sing to her, rock her to sleep,

and somehow keep her asleep as he laid her down.

(Adyson fought sleep. Hard. And she still does.

She just hates missing anything!)

He was just always so good at it,

and always adoring and selfless.

My girls,

Oh how I pray they remember how incredibly loved they were. And are.

Anyhow.

One night when Adyson was probably about 5 months old,

Trav kissed me goodnight while

I was doing dishes and went to bed.

Adyson had been asleep an hour or two.

He crawled into bed and heard-very clearly,

a voice telling him to

"Go check on Adyson."

He instantly got up,

and when into her room to check on her.

She was in her crib, and when we put her down,

we must not have noticed the fringe blanket in her bed with her.

She had taken a piece of the fringe and sucked it in her mouth.

Travis pulled it out,

and she gasped for air.

He picked up the blanket,

made sure she was ok,

and went to bed.

He didn't even tell me about it until the next morning.

When I instantly had a heart attack and felt like the worst mom

on the planet....but I wont go into that, because the story isn't about

my unfit parenting skills. ;)

I married someone who listened when a prompting came his way.

And I truly believe he saved my sweet baby's life that day.

This is something I never want to forget,

and never want my kids to forget.

Marry someone who listens, and uses his gifts the way God intends him to.  I hope they remember that their Daddy never stopped doing that.  I am so proud that he's my husband. So grateful for the

father he was, and is.

Adyson turns 10 tomorrow.

My heart is breaking that she is growing another year older,

and Travis can't be here to celebrate with us.

He can't be here to tell her how amazing she is,

and to lead her by his example.

These days feel very hard to me,

and they just make my heart ache.

I know he is watching her,

I know he's proud of her.

I have no doubt that he is still doing his best

to make sure she is taking the right path for her life.

But man,

I sure wish he was right here holding my hand while I do this alone.

Also:

These pics.

I mean.

Oh man.

I miss him.

And us.

 

That is all.