Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A work in progress.

Freaking Cancer. It makes me all sentimental sometimes. Forgive me once again.

When we got the results the other day from the CAT, we were both a little bummed. I know, I know, call us greedy, but we wanted MAJOR shrinkage...We wanted a miracle. We were happy things haven't spread, but you know, we wanted just a little bit more.

So at church on Sunday one of our friends was asking about the results. When we told them there was no change we slipped in our usual "we were really hoping for a miracle." To which he replied, "Isn't it a miracle? I mean really, isn't it amazing that the medicine is working?"

Yes. I guess it is. And while I have been thinking about how maybe this is our miracle, I realized maybe we have had many.

We found out Trav had cancer because he was feeling too tired to golf and losing weight. He had no pain. In a matter of a week they were able to diagnose him, and take his right kidney out. Miracle. They found that the tumor was contained to his kidney by a margin of 2mm. Miracle. If we would have waited longer it would have spread much quicker.

After the kidney was taken out we had 2 years cancer free. Since his cancer has come back I haven't really thought, until tonight, how amazing those 2 years were for our family. They were different than our first couple of years of marriage because all the sudden we were cherishing every second together. We started looking at life differently.

So now, as you all know, it's back. And as much as I have tried to have positive attitude about all of this, I've had my moments...:). But I am realizing tonight that maybe we have had our miracle. It is amazing that my husband has stage 4 cancer and the medicine is working. Maybe instead of waiting and hoping for a miracle to come, and to be cancer free, I should be thankful that there is a treatment that, for now, is working. Maybe this is our miracle.

So once again, I am hoping for a better attitude in all of this and a better outlook on life. Instead of hoping for more I am going to try to be thankful for what we have been given. Don't judge me if I am back to my complaining self in a future post, I am a work in progress you see.

21 comments:

Maegan said...

Hayley, you are amazing! What you guys are going through is beyond my comprehension, and you are such an example. Your little family is very lucky to have you!

Tana and Mike Draper said...

I just LOVE you!

Michelle said...

Hay... I have to admit I have feeling and saying the same thing to all my friends. It is a miracle. The medicine is working and we are blessed to cherish every moment. Trav- Hay- I love you!!

Shelly and her boys said...

When you put it that way, it really is a miracle!!!!

Shelly and her boys said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jan said...

You are so positive and strong. Even if you don't always think so. You guys are a great example! Isn't it comforting to know that there is a plan for each of us... although very hard at times.

Kristen said...

You are always amazing me with your positive outlook. You don't give yourself near enough credit for the way you've handled everything that you've been going through. You and Travis are Great examples of strength and courage!

Rhonda said...

You're amazing Hay, and I don't blame you for wanting a "miracle" by the cancer shrinking. That's a totally normal feeling! But it is also a miracle with the way you put it. I think I need to have your perspective and find a few more miracles in my life! thanks for the reminder!

Cody & Ashley Godfrey said...

I know I've never been in your shoes, but the way you are dealing with this whole CANCER situation is amazing. I don't think I would be anywhere near as strong as you guys are!
Seriously, you and Trav are just like everyone has already told you over and over...AMAZING!
I'll keep watching and waiting for more miracles for your family!
Love you all!!!

TCT said...

you are such an amazing person. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

Taneill

Sue said...

Believe it or not I even feel picked on...and it is so normal. Going through what I did with Dave really makes you realize what is important.....Family. I thought I might loose Dave right during Ambers Wedding. You just hold tight to those around you and accept help and all the love you can. You are surrounded by friends and family that would literally do anything for your cute family. We are all learning courage from you and Travis and love you so much. Hang in there cutie! Sue

laci said...

Hayley you rock!

Your post reminds me of a journal my mom would keep about her "daily miracles". Whether it was the day my dad remembered he had, by a fluke, signed up for cancer insurance; or just a visit from a friend; she always tried to look for something positive. You guys are doing just that. What a great example you are to me!!!
P.s. Off subject...but I tried your Cafe Rio recipe last Sunday....AWESOME! That will definitely come in handy out here. Thanks much.

busymama said...

I think you are amazing. I think you have a wonderful , upbeat attitude towards life and hence why I keep checking back in (I'm pretty sure it's called stalking, but that sounds so not nice)!! Good luck!

The McClellan Clan said...

Hayley, you are seriously to hard on yourself!! Its okay to feel bad. You are going through more than anyone could imagine. We don't expect you to be perfect and never feel any sad emotion through this whole thing. There has been miracles, but at times it truly is hard to see. And its hard to see why or what is going to take place during our trials, but know, that there always is a reason for everything. Your family is truly amazing. You have had to grow together, so much lately. Take it all in, cry some, laugh some, and just be yourself!!! I love you dearly. you are an inspiration to me!!!
Take care of yourself. PLEASE

Haylee Munk Brown said...

I can't even begin to comprehend what you guys are going through, but you are opening my eyes. I think you are an amazing family, and you are so strong! I am coming to Utah in 2 weeks, I would love to see you and give you a big hug!!!

Letti said...

Wow what a neat way to look at it. I am so sorry too. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I am so glad to have met you.

Melissa said...

You are so awesome. I don't think you ever complain. It seems like you always have the most positive outlook on life!

Natelli Johnston said...

I have absolutely loved getting to know you through your blog! Thank you for posting your personal thoughts and feelings. I really look up to you. Keep it up Hay, you're doing a great job! :) I am so happy I know that little sign is a smiley face now. Here is another :)

Morrell's said...

You truly strengthen me! I am so impressed that you are so positive. I certainly think you deserve to complain a bit too! You make me want to be a better person and I am sure you have that effect on so many others!!! KK pics were sure cute what some darling grandkids in your family!

Erin said...

Hayley, first I just want to thank you for your kind words and your thoughts. I want you to know I read your blog now and then, and I think that you are so amazing, to be so funny and uplifting, I forget what you must be going through with Travis and Cancer. You are a very strong person, and I think we all have days when we deserve to have our little moments because we are human. Don't be hard on yourself, cause I am sure alot of people in your situation would not handle it near as well as you have! Take Care Erin G

Kylene said...

You are such an amazing wife and mom! Thanks for reminding all of us to see the daily miracles in our own lives.